the other stuff


I’ve been thinking about my last piece called love is a project. A few people left comments on the Facebook page – a good number appeared to have read it. thank you.

I didn’t go into detail about the time(s) in my marriage when I thought, we’re not going to make it. But I think saying it out loud gave people a chance to nod with me. Maybe that’s one reason it resonated. We love the lead in, the beginning, the flush of newness. Yes? Movies show us the couple finally getting together after fumbles and missteps. Then the incredible kiss on the front porch, or top of the Empire State Building, or ___________.

 But what happens after? I want to know how. About love, work, becoming a marathon runner at fifty, moving to live in another country, creating something out of nothing – a podcast, a garden, a painting, a change, any kind of relationship –

 How did you do it? How are you still doing it?

it’s the other stuff, the story behind the story.

What bumps in the road have you’ve encountered? 

When you share the other stuff, I relate. If you tell me you’re never pissed off, or disappointed, or worried half to death, or wondering if you made the right choice – something’s missing. It’s not about upping our misery stories. It’s about being fully human with one another. 

Here are my bumps in the road. Tell me some of yours.

Artist friend, Penny Ross, pointed me to the podcast ON BEING with Krista Tippet after reading my piece. I finally listened today to the conversation between Krista Tippet and Alain de Botton about the work of love. I found it spacious and helpful. We’re human. We have flaws, fears. We expect people, especially our partners, to literally read our minds. Alain de Botton invites compassion for self and others in relationships, a good enough-ness. He shares this wonderful line: 

I’m quite tricky in these ways. How about you?

Listen alone or with a loved one, then talk about your own trickiness?

xo b

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